Friday, June 18, 2010

And, we’re back…

Sorry for the blog vaca. Apparently my fingers only type memos or bang out PowerPoints these days when laid upon a keyboard…

As my return-from-the-abyss post, I thought we’d explore the top questions I receive when I announce I’m with child. I know; that’s exactly what you hoped this post would be all about. What can I say, I’m here to please.

For the singletons out there—rest assured; this isn’t really a blog update on the pregnancy. It’s more of one knocked up chick’s commentary on human nature. Or so I tell myself when I’m explaining the ins and outs of my pregnancy
to a perfect stranger.

Enough chitchat. Let’s get to the hard news.

Top Questions (& Answers) to a Preggo Gal

1. Is it a boy or a girl?

Answer: Dunno. We’ll find out June 30.

Preggo gal’s take: I still can’t believe this is the number one question I get. Seems people are eager to label the kiddo “he” or a “she” as soon as possible. Since everyone, including the hubs and I, have an aversion to using “it” as a pronoun for our child, we have come up with an alternative, non-descript name: Critter.

That should work until we can stick our offspring with a gender-appropriate title.

2. Are you going to find out the gender?

Answer: You bet.

Preggo gal’s take: Actually, the question I get is if we are going to find out the “sex.” I do believe the proper term is gender. But even if it’s not, I don’t want to think about my kid and the word “sex”. I’m just not ready for that talk yet.

3. How are you feeling?

Answer: Well, thanks.

Yes, I had morning sickness. A lot.

No, it was not limited to the morning.

Yes, I was so beyond exhausted that I swear it rivaled my bout of mono.

Yes, that was the same case of mono in which I can’t remember three weeks of my life.

Yes, during those three weeks I performed in a play…for an audience…twice. It’s okay; I played Ophelia. That chick was so out of it, the mono was like a study in method acting.

Now—I feel fine.

Preggo gal’s take: Second trimester and I are best buds.

4. Are you excited?

Answer: Yes. Very.

Preggo gal’s take: I’m still shocked I’m asked this question for a two reasons:

a. The hubs and I were trying for lil’ Critter. If you know me, you know I’m a planner and a perfectionist. Ipso facto, you understand that I squeal with delight every time one of my plans comes together. Really. It usually causes a scene.

Fact: preggos over share. All. The. Time. If you don’t know me, just assume I’m excited. You just never know what a preggo is going to blurt out in response to your innocent questions. I'll provide a safe response (at least for this question), but I can't guarantee the same for the rest of the knocked up sisterhood.

5. How far along / when is the baby due?

Answer: Currently at 18 weeks which puts me at 5 months. (Don’t try to divide the weeks by four here. Preggo math is all sorts of whack.)

Critter is due to enter the world on November 18. That would make him/her a Scorpio. May the stars save the child’s Capricorn mother.

Preggo gal’s take: Odd that this question is near the bottom of the list. I still can’t believe people want to know the gender or the innermost workings of my gut and psyche over when the kid will actually show up.

Side note: I’m super impressed with some people’s math skills. As soon as I tell them how many weeks I am, they do the math and announce the correct due date time frame. I’m in awe as my only math skill is being able to figure out the tip in less than 10 seconds. These people actually apply math to an imaginary calendar. That’s some Rain Man stuff right there, folks.

There you have it. Now you know what’s on people’s minds when one is presented with the news of an impending birth. You are also armed with the answers to those burning questions.

Now, all other blog readers are envying you. Bask in the glow, my friends. I might not always be able to come up with juicy posts like this one.