This post features an almost word-for-word email exchange with my coworker. Some details have been altered/removed because they were work speak and no one needs to be exposed to that. Plus, I felt like it.
And since some of my readers (I believe we’re up to seven, kiddos!) aren’t familiar with my job, the big ol’ conglomerate or the monotonous nature of being chained to Microsoft Outlook all day, I’ve offered my translation on the exchange. What can I say? I’m a giver.
Coworker: See email below. Seems they changed the amount of shipping dates. I don’t think it is a big deal…but we might have to adjust the December number on the divisional calendar if a new one goes out.
Translation for non-big conglomerate peeps: Communication Gal over here and emailing coworker are in charge of the calendar and someone has gone and done messed up our dates. Now, we either let the calendar be flat-out wrong or we update it, print it (again) and send to our foot soldiers.
Now I know how Obama feels.
Communications Gal: At the moment, no other calendar updates have been provided. I think this one might have to wait until a bigger update comes along (if it does).
Translation: I think this falls under the category of “you’re shit outta luck, bub."
Coworker: Wait. I looked at the calendar and we actually have the # of days correct. Not sure how that happened but it did!!!
Translation: 0_0 We. Are. AWESOME. Who cares how or why! Carpe diem, my friend!
Communications Gal: Must be those superpowers we've been secretly talking about…
Guess this means I can finally order us those capes.
Translation: We should be rewarded, handsomely, for our blind foresight. Also, it’s the end of the day, my blood sugar is low and I think you think I’m amusing.
Coworker (seconds later): And crowns…Wonder Woman style.
Translation: You have amused me and I will share in your disillusions. Plus, I like Wonder Woman. And her outfit.
Don’t worry. No cubicles, florescent lights, or Microsoft Office products were harmed during our thinly-veiled attempt at self amusement.